Hello Dr. Meg,
I am writing to you because I have a burden on my heart, and I am not sure how to address it. Here goes (sorry if this is long)…
My husband and I have been married for a few years. We have had a really rough first few years of marriage (especially this past year, when I discovered my husband’s struggle with pornography and his affair). He has repented of this sexual sin, and we have been going to a Christian counselor to address our issues for the last 7 months. We have been doing much better the last few months especially, and I have healed a lot while relying on God.
Lately, my husband has brought up his desire to have kids in the near future (next few months). At this time, I do not feel ready to have kids, and I’m not sure when I will be ready. I still struggle with trusting him after everything we have been through. While we are both Christians, I still don’t see him stepping up to be a spiritual leader for the family.
I have been focusing on trusting God in this manner, but I am struggling with knowing how to address this with my husband. Part of me feels I am being selfish in my reservations – I want to see more change in my husband before we have kids. I know I need to leave my husband in God’s hands and I want to respect his God-given leadership role.
Is it selfish to tell my husband I want to wait longer? Is this disrespecting my husband’s role as leader of our family? Any advice you can provide on how to approach this respectfully would be appreciated!