Ask Dr. Meg: My Daughter’s Friend Was Sexually Assaulted – What Do I Do?

Every parent wants their children to trust them with their secret struggles. But what’s most important is ensuring their safety, at all costs.

Dr. Meg Meeker, MD

|

Last Updated

April 22, 2019

posted on

April 16, 2018

|

2

Minute Read

Dear Dr. Meeker,

I recently listened to a conversation between my daughter and two friends – I should not have been listening. They went to a party and one girl split from my daughter and a friend. While she was gone this girl consumed alcohol and ended up in the bathroom vomiting. While doing this, about 6/7 boys joined her in the stall and she ended up giving them all blow jobs…she mentioned that every time she tried to stand up they pushed her down. She seemed shocked by this herself but not overly concerned.

I’m not sure what to do about it. Do I inform her parents and risk my own daughter being extremely upset with me for listening to the conversation or should I leave it alone? I feel like her mother should know what happened because she was extremely drunk and was taken advantage of.

– Conflicted Mom

Discipline doesn't have to be a struggle for every parent.

You CAN learn how to discipline consistently without losing your temper or authority. I’m offering a FREE training that will teach you to enforce boundaries, build character in your children, and create a stress-free home.

Access your FREE training

Dear Conflicted Mom,

YES!! You need to talk to this girl, her parents or both! And – you should have been listening to the conversation. If what this young girl was telling your daughter was true – she was raped and she needs help.

You need to call this girl’s parents ASAP and tell them what you heard. Tell them that you are afraid for her emotional well-being and what you heard. If you feel that they aren’t emotionally or mentally stable enough to handle the news, then you need to talk directly to the girl and get her help.

We parents need to stop being so afraid of “losing the trust of our kids, getting them upset or of invading their privacy” by not paying attention. These are excuses for not wanting to roll our sleeves up and parent like grown-ups. The world is a really tough place for our kids and they can’t navigate much that comes their way on their own. That’s why they need us to know what’s happening in their lives – at parties, on social media, with friends or dating relationships – everything. So please, let’s get this nonsense of “we shouldn’t be listening” out of our vocabulary. There is no way we can sit by and not help a child who has been sexually assaulted by 6-7 young men!

Dr. Meg Meeker, MD

Practicing pediatrician, parent, grandparent, coach, speaker, and author. Say hello @MegMeekerMD

Join the conversation

Is It Safe to Send My Child Back to School? Health Experts Weigh In.

Many parents are struggling with the prospect of schools reopening this fall amid coronavirus spikes. Here’s what the American Academy of Pediatrics says.

July 9, 2020

Balanced Parenting

How to Cope When Mom Guilt Is Getting the Best of You

During a global pandemic, it’s important for moms to let go of guilt and the ideals of fully operating in every area of life and focus on three simple things.

April 23, 2020

Child Development

How Will Kobe’s Wife and Three Girls Cope?

As the world mourns the loss of the great Kobe Bryant, we must also think of his wife and three girls he left behind. How will they cope?

January 29, 2020

Access MY free training now

Discipline doesn't have to be a struggle for every parent.

You CAN learn how to discipline consistently without losing your temper or authority. I’m offering a FREE training that will teach you to enforce boundaries, build character in your children, and create a stress-free home.

Access for Free