Ask Dr. Meg: My Daughter’s Friend Was Sexually Assaulted – What Do I Do?

Dear Dr. Meeker,

I recently listened to a conversation between my daughter and two friends – I should not have been listening. They went to a party and one girl split from my daughter and a friend. While she was gone this girl consumed alcohol and ended up in the bathroom vomiting. While doing this, about 6/7 boys joined her in the stall and she ended up giving them all blow jobs…she mentioned that every time she tried to stand up they pushed her down. She seemed shocked by this herself but not overly concerned.

I’m not sure what to do about it. Do I inform her parents and risk my own daughter being extremely upset with me for listening to the conversation or should I leave it alone? I feel like her mother should know what happened because she was extremely drunk and was taken advantage of.

– Conflicted Mom

Dear Conflicted Mom,

YES!! You need to talk to this girl, her parents or both!  And – you should have been listening to the conversation. If what this young girl was telling your daughter was true – she was raped and she needs help.

You need to call this girl’s parents ASAP and tell them what you heard. Tell them that you are afraid for her emotional well-being and what you heard. If you feel that they aren’t emotionally or mentally stable enough to handle the news, then you need to talk directly to the girl and get her help.

We parents need to stop being so afraid of “losing the trust of our kids, getting them upset or of invading their privacy” by not paying attention. These are excuses for not wanting to roll our sleeves up and parent like grown-ups. The world is a really tough place for our kids and they can’t navigate much that comes their way on their own. That’s why they need us to know what’s happening in their lives – at parties, on social media, with friends or dating relationships – everything. So please, let’s get this nonsense of “we shouldn’t be listening” out of our vocabulary. There is no way we can sit by and not help a child who has been sexually assaulted by 6-7 young men!