Kids approach eating very differently than we do. For most boys and girls under nine to ten years old, eating is simply not a priority. It is just something they know they must do. But for us parents, what, when, and how our kids eat is an emotionally loaded issue. We mothers and fathers want our kids to eat well so that they grow the way they should. Because when our kids grow well, we feel like successful parents.
Kids approach eating very differently than we do. For most boys and girls under nine to ten years old, eating is simply not a priority. It is just something they know they must do. But for us parents, what, when, and how our kids eat is an emotionally loaded issue. We mothers and fathers want our kids to eat well so that they grow the way they should. Because when our kids grow well, we feel like successful parents.
In twenty-five years of practicing pediatrics, I can say that some of the most stressed parents I encounter are those whose kids can’t gain weight. Whether it’s anorexia, chronic diarrhea, bowel disease, etc., when a child fails to gain weight, parents feel like failures.
We need to understand that food issues in children under age nine to ten bother us, not kids. When we become anxious about their eating, they pick up on it and learn very quickly to use eating habits to get what they want from us. They hear us say, “Eat your peas and I’ll buy you a toy” or “One more bite, and then you can go outside and play.” When they hear things like that, why wouldn’t they use eating to get what they want? I sure would.
Since eating is a source of anxiety for parents and a tool for kids to manipulate parents, there are a few things that every parent must know in order to avoid serious trouble. Here’s what I have learned works to keep kids’ eating patterns normal.
1. No food wars.
If your two-year-old won’t eat his peas, don’t make him. Offer him balanced meals three times a day and if he doesn’t eat, don’t feel guilty and never offer compensatory foods. (Don’t offer fruit roll ups two hours later because you’re afraid he’s starving.) Just offer another meal at dinner. Remember, he’s not interested in a large variety of foods, so keep things simple. Give him a choice of one or two vegetables, one or two meats, and a fruit or two. He doesn’t need to like a wide variety of greens; one or two will suffice until he’s older.