Fear. It wraps its gnarly tentacles around our mother hearts and won’t let go. It is the number one stumbling block to great parenting. I see it all the time. We are afraid that our children will get hurt, bullyied, traumatized or left out at school.
Fear. It wraps its gnarly tentacles around our mother hearts and won’t let go. It is the number one stumbling block to great parenting. I see it all the time. We are afraid that our children will get hurt, bullyied, traumatized or left out at school. We watch for signs of autism, ADHD, brain tumors and dyslexia. We are afraid our kids will feel insecure and we are afraid they will become over confident. We have become so fearful about our kids’ psychological, intellectual and physical health that all of the fun has gone out of being a Mom.
So let’s get the fun back and tackle our fears.
First, we must recognize where those fears originate. Psychologists tell us that when something we need is threatened, fear arises. I get that. I need my kids and I need them healthy. So, when their health and happiness is in jeopardy, I go nuts. My blood pressure rises and I go into fight mode. You do too. That’s what we do as Moms. We are fighters and keepers of our kids. So- we ask, how are we supposed to change that? Better yet- are we supposed to change those reflexes?
The answer is, no. Our reflexes are on target. Here’s where we go wrong (and this is going to hurt.) We live as though we need our kids. We don’t. We, as Moms, are given kids to love and cherish, raise and then let then go. But we shouldn’t need them as we do. This is far too great of a burden for them to carry and it is too big for us as well. Somewhere over the past generation of parenting, we have come to view children as the necessary components which complete us as people. They don’t. We were complete women before we had them. They come into our lives and we must love them like mad, but we don’t need them to complete us. So the first way to rid ourselves of fear over their health, is to reconcile that we were complete women before we had them. They are not an extension of us. They are separate and wonderful people. We should be crazy about them, nurture them, but draw clear boundaries between us and them.