Recently, a reader asked how to explain to her young daughter what the word “rape” meant. Her daughter heard someone say the word and clearly, it bothered her, as well it should. Some ears are simply too young to hear tough words.
Recently, a reader asked how to explain to her young daughter what the word “rape” meant. Her daughter heard someone say the word and clearly, it bothered her, as well it should. Some ears are simply too young to hear tough words.
So what’s a parent to do? What do we say and how do we say it?
I experienced a similar situation when my son was in the fourth grade. When he was eleven, my son was asked by his teacher to do a report on a common infection. She gave the students a list of infections and he chose AIDs. I think he did this because he heard the word on the news. He began researching the topic on the school computer and came across some concepts that puzzled him.
He was upset by the fact that some people were so sick with this infection. When I picked him up from school, he was clearly upset. I needed to make a quick stop at the grocery store and as I pulled into the parking lot he blurted out, “Mom, how do men have sex with other men?”
I found a parking spot and we never made it into the store. When a child asks questions about sex or any tough topic, they deserve answers on the spot. Talking about sex is usually uncomfortable for parents, but it’s our job. We simply need to dive in.
For the next hour, we talked about sex, love, feelings, men, women, and relationships. When I first told him about sex two years earlier, he reacted with the usual “Oh, gross!” response. He didn’t want a detailed discussion; the facts were enough. But this time, he wanted more.
IT’S IMPORTANT FOR PARENTS TO ANSWER THE HARD QUESTIONS
When kids raise these types of questions, we parents need to be there to field them; if we don’t, someone else (like a classmate) will. And the information that a classmate gives our child will probably be inaccurate.
Talking with our kids about sex is hard but when it comes to discussing or explaining infections (like HIV and AIDs) or violence in sex (like rape), it is even more difficult. Their young minds haven’t conceived of sex associated with harm, and handling this topic must be done very gingerly.
So when your child asks tough questions, I have a few thoughts.